Life: off-time & out of tune

When I was little my grandfather and I would sit for hours and pick apart the different instruments and complexities in music. He would usually choose blues or classic rock and challenge me to listen beyond the surface. "Yes, there is heavy guitar,” he would concede, “but what else is there under it all? What more do you hear when you really stop to listen".  At first, I would get frustrated when I failed to identify all of the instruments on our first listen, but nonetheless, he patiently would hit rewind with the biggest smile on his face, and we would listen in earnest silence waiting to discover something new.

As I got older, music became more and more integral to my daily life as it truly transformed into a place of solace for me. Music is something that can simply be enjoyed for what it is. Even amateur musicians hold valuable lessons and power in their process and artistry. Music can be imperfect, off-time, out of tune, but I still enjoy it as someone's expression and hard work: something to be admired, enjoyed, and something you can spend time studying for hours like an audible puzzle. 

Lately, I have been longing for something to fill me and ignite the passion I once had for living in simplicity. It has been a struggle. Sometimes my pursuit of wholeness, healing, and my intense creative processes leave me feeling dull and muted. Truthfully, I found myself so wrapped up in worrying about growth and maturing that I began to lose my vibrancy in a sea of disputing moral rights and wrongs at every turn. I was no longer afraid of trudging through my brokenness. Instead, I had become insanely paralyzed by the new responsibility that being whole brought. Finally, I realized evolution would be impossible if I were to continue on the path of imprisoning myself with parasitic thought processes and emotions.

In the midst of my revelation, I began to think about how often we look at situations and think "if only it was different", "if only this had happened sooner", "if only I had met this person a year earlier/later."  Timing and perception of life progression are brutal, especially in our individualistic, fast-paced western culture. I mean come on, we're all expected to choose a solidified life path at the age of 18 as we're shipped into foreign environments and experience the most change ever set before us, how insanely unrealistic! Timing can be the worst, but it is only as much of a hassle as we allow it to be. A liberating truth I have discovered is there are no 'right people at the wrong time' or 'missed opportunities' there are simply things and people that are meant for us and things that are not. The right people are timeless, and the places you are meant to be will appear in the most random opportunities and connections.

Life is not meant to mull over and pick apart. Much like music, it is imperfect. It gets out of tune, but that is where the beauty and learning happens — in the complicated mess of progressing and producing something even more beautiful and complex. People are never going to be the idealized version you constructed. Your life is never going to follow the linear plan you wrote up on your bedroom floor when you were ten, but in the sitting and living in the moment, I promise it will be extremely beautiful and rewarding.

In the end, one thing everyone will want is more time. It is invaluable. Don't waste too much of yours wishing and hoping for things to be different. Instead sit back, smile, and enjoy the jam for what it is: imperfect, out of tune, off time -- and most importantly-- real.